ANYWAY YOU WANT TO, ANYWAY YOU GOT TO

Spring is the time of year for me when I truly realize how much in this world there is to love. Myself, along with the majority of humans on this planet are what we call: FRIOLEROS

Of course, there are exceptions to everything, and that my friends is the universal balance. There are many people, too, who enjoy the cold, rainy, windy, cracked skin, wet sock season. But I, without a sliver of doubt, fall into the FRIOLEROS category. I am sensitive to the cold. The sun constantly helps me find that special place where I love to be. Where positivity comes more naturally and everything I love aesthetically is accented by golden, warm light.

It's been a few weeks (maybe even a month) that I've been slowly becoming Spring-Karli again, the person I most love to be. And I'm fixated on one thing: Love. The most complicated thing I've ever tried to understand.. The thing that brings us the most pain and the most pleasure. Sometimes, both at the same time.

I think we first get some sort of notion of what love is, by observing our parents. In my case, (and for which I am very blessed), my parents are in that top tier of being in love. And it's always been so obvious. Pure, uncomplicated and everlasting. Corny, I know! But sometimes it feels so good to be romantic and poetic. Then, when the late-adolescent Karli began having interest in boys (for a while there, everyone thought I'd be a lesbian. Partially Kelly's fault for the bowl cut and partially the fault of the female basketball stereotype/generalization), it was clear what type of person I was interested in. Boys that reminded me of my brothers. I can't say that I've dated around so much (I've been more of the long-term boyfriend type of girl), but I can say that there has always been some qualities about these boys that I could trace back to something I loved about my brothers.

On Sunday I'm turning 24 years old, and just a few days ago I realized that I know exactly when I fell in love for the first time. Exactly 5 years ago, today. Two days before my 19th birthday.

Only 2 other people know what I'm talking about: Caleb and Cameron.
5 years ago, I fell in love with my brothers.

Now, this is one of the most important realizations of my life. Knowing how capable and how naturally the human hearts wants to love is an incredibly great power and tool and pleasure. (power tool, haha). In the most non-sexual way ever (duh), I am head over heels, would give my life a million times over for these two humans, in love with my brothers.

Whoever has a heart that pumps blood and oxygen through their body, also has this desire to love, be loved and let themselves fall in love with the people and things in their life and in the world. We are natural lovers. But unfortunately, with love comes jealousy and frustrations, sadness and in a world of universal balances, it also brings "hatred". In my opinion, a false hatred. A way to channel strange feelings that contradict the natural feeling of goodness, appreciation, admiration and gratitude. Example: War happens because of conflicting beliefs. Some people love their religion so much that they do a complete 180 and utilize violence to defend, honor and attempt to share his or her beliefs. Beliefs that they love. Beliefs that they would die for. This is where we got it all wrong. Anyways, this isn't a rant about war.

This is about pure love.

It feels so good to treat people well and be welcomed by smiles and hugs. It feels so good to let go of stresses and frustrations and just love your world, love yourself, love the way you look in your favorite dress, love the way that stranger looks in those tight jeans, love the smell of the bakeries in the morning, love the sunset instead of just talking about how much you love the sunset, love your 5 minute break where you sit on a bench, close your eyes and put your face up to the sun. It feels so good to love the sound of laughter and love tie-dye, love how big a baby's eyes are, love when your guilty pleasure song comes on the radio, love bbq's and love when you open the fridge and it's full of colorful food, fruits and vegetables. The say: be appreciative for what you have because so many people in the world don't have anything. Okay.. I mean, true? But, what are we really implying? People in third world countries, people in poverished communities, people with less.... money? Things? Thanks to my girl Kendy, I'm beginning to understand this a little more. She's living in Kenya and the people in her village are people, like you and me. The kids go to school, they celebrate holidays and birthdays, and they also deal with issues like death and sickness, and all types of suffering. BECAUSE THEY ARE HUMANS TOO! And while we sit here writing blogs about how fortunate we are, and talking about how sad it is that people in Africa don't have TVs and don't have tile floors in their house... Those people are just going about their lives in a different way than us.. Maybe they too are thinking, those poor Americans and Europeans have to wear suits to work everyday and go to war with guns and spend years building a house that is covering up perfectly good land. We may live very different lives, ones in which it is either acceptable or not to go barefoot, but there is one thing that ties us together... Love.

I'm willing to bet that there are people in Africa that love dancing to their favorite song, just like I do. And those that love sunset walks with a lover. There are probably those too, that love being a rebel and sneaking off with friends to smoke a joint, or swim naked in the river.

Anyways, this blog was meant to be a dedication to my brothers. So I'll get on with it... My brothers, Caleb and Cameron, are two of the most wonderful people in the world. I know everyone says that, but for real, they are. And I've always thought that, and for 18 years of my life I loved them, a lot, like my brothers. It wasn't until we had a weekend together, just the 3 of us (Plus Seth and his cousin Jesse, who were both crucial ingredients to the magic that went down that weekend) that I realized how IN LOVE with them I was. Coachella, 2006. I'll probably never go back to Indio for Spring concert madness, but, it was there, on the dry, desserty polo fields where my brothers and I conquered the world. Together. Barefoot and desperately trying to stay hydrated, we spent 2 crazy days and nights sharing smiles, tears, blankets, making sacrifices for each other (Caleb ditched some awesome band to sit with me where Damien Rice was playing to practically no audience), stealing shade and gulping yerba mate. It was the first time that we were really doing something together, outside of family functions and other events. That weekend was about us. And together, Cammy and I turned 19, and Caleb drove our hungover asses back to Orange County so I could make it to my Statistics test on Monday morning.

To wrap things up, here are some of the amazing qualities of my brothers for which make them my role models and the loves of my life:

· Hearts of gold: they sympathize, empathize and let people in.
·They listen
·They both have the "don't worry, be happy" attitude and it's really infectious. They are constant reminders that we are capable and strong to tackle anything that life throws at us. And as my mom says, "Seriously, we always find a way to make things work. We are your family."
·They are always concerned about others.. no matter where we are, they are constantly making sure that everyone is enjoying themselves.
·Their taste in music (and knowledge!)
·Their sense of humor.. a league of their own. And when they are together, it's a constant giggle fit.
· For how stubborn they can be sometimes, they have never been the type of boys to hit, wrestle and bully. They hug. Men, women, friends, strangers. They are huggers.
·SELFLESSNESS and willingness to make sacrifices
·Their pride
·I don't know how many times they've had to comfort me, but they always have endless supplies of warmy goo-goos to get me through whatever difficult time. They've held my hand a million times over and after the worst is over, they always find a way to replace the smile and twinkle in my eye.
·Caleb has great smelling deodorant.
·Cameron decorates himself in feathers.

CDK & CRK, not only are you great role models and reminders to live a life of love, you are the best friends anyone could ever have. Thanks for loving me and letting me love and obsess over you. Thanks for being my first and forever loves. And lastly, thank you for all the rugs we've cut and dance floors we've dominated. Everyday is unofficial brother day. Hug you soon, Kar.

Here's to love doing what we love, and love loving what we love,

JUST BECAUSE IT FEELS GOOD!